1. my father is gay. even before he married my mom.
i dont think my grandmother knows.
she's so old, im afraid she'll get a heart attack when she finds out.
2. my father had/maybe still has other guy lovers
my mother told my sis and i about him and that she will be leaving soon in dec 2010.
3. my parents have gotten divorced last year
but the settling of assets is getting so messy.
my father refuses to give any maintenance money to my mother.
and more stuff like that.
4. my ex broke up with me in nov 2011.
we had a relationship almost no one knows about.
his parents are divorced too but he left when i needed him the most.
we werent even official, i guess, but the break up was hell.
especially when he got a new girlfriend within 3 weeks.
5. since the whole divorce drama my studies didnt do too well
but i didnt want to blame it on my parents divorce and
ended up blaming myself for being useless and incapable.
6. my grades are so bad i worry i wont be able to enter any university.
let alone the absent money i need for university.
7. recently little things provoke my emotions. anger, sadness..
i hardly can bring myself to do anything right/well.
8. i get especially angry when my father tries to teach about God.
because he hasnt changed his way and finds nothing wrong with him.
i dont hate him because he's gay.
i hate it that he married my mother made use of her
just so he can look like he has a normal family.
and i hate that im merely existing because having children
was my fathers idea of a "normal" family.
well. there's probably more but i cant think of anymore right now.
life's just not going well for me. wont it be better if i was gone?
no need to be in the middle of all this drama.
no need to worry about not having a future due to
my lack of ability to do well in school and lack of money i need for university.
no need to brave the scolding of my sister who feels that i got everything easy.
no need to hear my fathers lies or my mothers sadness.
no need to listen to my exs lies repeat over and over again in my head.
isnt it true? it would be better if i was gone.
